Abundance: A Poem

I smile at you.

You don’t smile back.

I ask you questions.

Questions, to which I already know the answers.

Questions, to which you always wrongly reply.

You try, and you conceal it.

You try, and you contain it.

You do all that you can to not let it show.

You do all that you can to not let it out.

But your eyes.

Your eyes, they give away.

Your eyes, they tell the truth.

And now, I know.

Not speech, it’s magic.

Not bland, vacuous phrases, it’s sentiment.

Your words,

they say what they never mean.

Your words,

they mean what never can be said.

I smile at you.

You don’t smile back.

And I smile at you -again.

Because now, I know.

It’s not the lack of it.

It’s the abundance.

Love, a feeling of attachment and affection, a feeling so strong that it makes the world go round. This enigmatic emotion, it empowers us to accomplish impossible tasks, to exceed all boundaries. It's one of the most beautiful and amazing parts of life. And as appealing as it is, it can be intimidating for a lot of people.

Philophobia, an overwhelming fear of falling and being in love, the fear of becoming emotionally connected with another person, it's something that keeps us from finding and keeping the love that we say we want.

The emotional struggle faced by the people who suffer from this cannot be underestimated. These people endure a roller-coaster of conflicting emotions, they long for love and closeness just like everyone else, and yet they can’t bring themselves to let go of their emotional control. This mental anguish runs deep, and can be enormously debilitating.

The causes are numerous. It could be due to trauma at a young age. It could be due to cultural or religious pressure. Repeated romantic failures, old feelings of hurt, loss, anger or rejection. The feeling of being exposed, and vulnerable. The other person “liking us too much,” anxiety, worry, or guilt over how we may or may not feel -the fear of hurting them. Depression. Underlying feelings of being unlovable -a low self-esteem, a “critical inner voice,” telling us, we are worthless or undeserving of happiness. It could be due to anything.

And our fears, while they may manifest themselves in different ways, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt. These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness that we most desire.

Philophobia can feel overwhelming at times and can severely impact our lives, but it is treatable. Being able to move on with your life and being open to love could be the most significant improvement you could make.

Remember, our fear does not have to be a prison by which we confine ourselves. It may be uncomfortable to walk out of, but it can be done.

Sending love and light <3